


Death and Love

by orphan_account



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 20:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6439777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three people Regina has hurt, and three people she has loved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death and Love

**Author's Note:**

> t/w: Mention of past abuse.

Murder

She had had to kill him. King George had locked her up in a castle, with no thought to why she had said yes, and without the kindness to fall in love with her. She had to kill The King because being his wife was undergoing abuse, and his death was the only way to escape. When she thought back to those days, she sided with her old self. This murder Regina did not regret.

She did not have to kill him, the Huntsman. But she had wanted so badly to. Graham had betrayed her for the second time by defying her. He also had hurt her deeply with his rejection of her, especially while choosing to be with the woman who was Regina's adversary, and who was trying to rip her son away from her. He posed no threat, though, and his death did not gain her anything. 

She should not have killed him, her father. Even though he had stood by her whole childhood while her mother had hurt her, she still should not have killed him. The curse was a bad idea, objectively, and killing him was an act of a desperation. When she looked back, she remembered the emotions that had made her kill him. She remembered her psychological state, and how the depth of her loneliness had caused her to abandon all reason, and block out her real self. The curse had brought her Henry, so she couldn't regret killing him, but she knows that killing him was not excusable. That woman who did that was a tortured, selfish woman, and now Regina did not feel the same psychologically as she had back then. She had agreed with her choice for many years after she did it, but Regina had changed enough now that she did not agree with that choice. She knew that she should not have committed it.

Love

She had to love him. Robin Hood had been designated as her second True Love by the most powerful magic in the land. Fairydust magic controlled things. It put the two of them on the same philosophical, psychological, emotional (who knew? Only Whale had walked around trying to reconcile science with magic,) level. When she had let go of control, fairydust-compelled-fate had manipulated situations so that their paths converged. It hurt to leave something so perfect; she had had to love him, and even after she emerged hurt from a year of perfect, she still believed she should have done it.

She did not have to love him. Daniel entered Regina's life before any magic had. She was light-hearted and not jaded, not running away from something or compelled by pain. She had met Daniel and chosen to follow her fancy, deciding to share her secrets with him like she hadn't with anyone else before. Her life when she had fallen in love with him had been one of free will. She chose him to be happy with him. 

She should not love her. Emma Swan, The Savior, the breaker of her curse, the child of the woman who had catalyzed her descent into darkness, was not the safest choice. But the truth was that by entering town and breaking Regina's curse, she had sent Regina down a path moving out of the darkness. Snow's act was not the catalyst for her despair, her path to cruelty was begun by her mother and the king. But still, it was completely illogical to love Emma, because it created a terribly messy situation, and their relationship was so volatile as it was. Their joint parenting of Henry created a situation that was delicate, and it would cause trouble to risk the amity that existed. She and Emma invariably threw cruel truths at each other. They were capable of hurting each other, and they always would do it, because they were uncompramisingly honest with each other. Loving Emma would make it all more painful when they fought, would make every battle that loomed all the more terrifying because Emma dying would hurt her deeply. The fact that she shouldn't love her had not kept Regina from inviting Emma over for the drink they had been interrupted from taking at the bar. It hadn't kept her asking Emma if she wouldn't mind if Regina trusted her, and telling her her most outstanding tortured feelings, and letting herself cry in front of her. It also had not stopped her from holding onto Emma's hand when Emma grabbed hers during the sobbing, hadn't kept her from meeting her the next morning for coffee, or from kissing her back. It didn't stop her from making family breakfasts, or from saying "our son" or from going to Teacher's conferences together, or from bringing her breakfast, or from dragging her into her room every night, or from sharing memories and life philosophies, or from saying cutting remarks and receiving some in return and making Emma glare and cry. It did not stop Regina from smiling when Emma told her she loved her by night, or from telling Emma the same in the middle of the day, at the bus stop, during a fashion debate. Emma used her credit card to buy expensive makeup because "Regina had magicked it all into existence anyways," and Regina sometimes, when her sweaters were dirty, wore flannel, but of course never out of the house and because it was cozy. Henry made an artist friend and filled a blank book with happy stories for everyone in Storybrooke who didn't have one. In conjunction with Snow, Charming, and "the crew," Regina and Emma defeated a triad attack by Ursula, Cruella, and Maleficent. Afterwards they all, the three new queens included, went out for burgers at Granny's. Regina and Emma argued about what dessert to order for the tables. After deciding on cupcakes ("they are a harbinger of a beginning of something great," Emma had said,) Emma threw her arm over Regina's shoulders, and kissed her on the cheek. Regina told Emma that she was happy, even though they were going to be picking up the check for 15 people, and scooted as close to Emma as she could without being unclassy. Love was murderous.


End file.
